Today is May 14, 2017.
It happens to be Mother’s Day, and because I am a Mother, I am going to take the liberty and add onto that.
Liberation for Heather Day.
See, I have been doing a bit of light reading (stalking) other blogs, and I have discovered that the others don’t wait until they have a “big idea” or “story” to write.
They just write.
I wanna do that too!
So what the hell?
This is MY blog.
I’m going to things MY way.
Now I’m not going to write an 800-word post about how much I hate picking up my kid’s shoes off of the floor or cleaning toilets, but I’m no longer going to wait for an Oprah light bulb moment to sit down and blog.
I love writing too much to put it off until it’s perfect. So here I go…
Since I am currently in dire straights over my zero babysitter situation, my mind keeps wandering back to all of the Jack-Hole experiences I have endured over the years. You know I’m always down to help, so I made a handy-dandy list of all the head-scratchers I’ve heard over the decade.
Pay attention people…If you ever hear any of these word combinations come out of your sitters mouth-Grab your kids and get the heck out of dodge!!!!
–I had it coming out both ends last night!
-Do you mind if I use your address to fill out this credit card application?
-Where’s the liquor cabinet?
-Sorry, I’m late, my car got repossessed, so I had to find a ride.
-Sorry I broke your washing machine while I was doing my own laundry.
-There’s a vicious case of pink eye going around our house (while she’s holding your baby)!
-If Wells Fargo Credit calls DON’T ANSWER!
–I don’t see what the fuss is about crystal meth. Aside from the sex, it’s really not that great.
-You were out of Lysol, so I just used water and urine to mop the floor.
-Do you keep any cash around the house?
-My Grandmomma died, so I won’t be coming next week…and can I borrow $3,000?
-I gotta leave early today. We’re going to see my “Baby Daddy” at the jail
Yes, this actually happened to me. Sure, this is a compilation from about four different sitters, but still.
Can you feel my pain?
Can you feel my Mississippi pain?
Tell me, what types of excuses do you hear?
Can anybody top me?
I dare you!!!!